How to Talk to Family and Friends About Using an Egg Donor

Growing families have every right to decide who is given information and how much is provided when it comes to family building. For those using an egg donor, there may be some understandable hesitation to share the specifics of your journey to parenthood. These feelings can be complicated and are often difficult to articulate; however, there are ways to make talking to family and friends about using an egg donor easier. We’ve outlined some advice to consider below.

  • Have a conversational game plan in place. Knowing how much information you plan on sharing with people in your life can make talking about family planning easier. With some people, you may not mind letting them know all the details about using an egg donor and how you came to that decision. With others, for various reasons, you may prefer to limit the amount of information you share. These choices are entirely up to you, and knowing what you will say can relieve some of the stress of wondering how people will react to your plans.

  • Prepare for pressure to share more. Prodding and sometimes insensitive questions about family planning are unfortunately common. Often, people assume that others share their level of comfort when discussing having children or that the topic is simply “not a big deal.” Having a few go-to lines for when you feel backed into a conversational corner can be helpful, and hopefully help you pivot the discussion to areas you feel more comfortable talking about. Examples of these lines include:

    • “We’re still considering options and haven’t made any decisions yet.”
    • “Thank you for asking, but I’d rather not share at the moment.”
    • “It’s been a long road, but we’re very excited about the future and confident in the decisions we’ve made.”

There’s a lot of pressure to be open about your experiences; pressure from family, friends, and even social media is felt by many members of the fertility community. For those who are comfortable being transparent about using an egg donor, your story is your own to share exactly as you please. This is, of course, also true for those who are less comfortable and may prefer withholding details of their egg donation journey until another time.

If you’d like to learn more about egg donation, including the use of frozen donor eggs, finding a donor, and more, please visit our blog.